1. |
Ralph and Earl
05:27
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Ralph and Earl were standing with a horse
Life couldn’t get any worse
Ralph and Earl were hungry, tired and bored
Because Farmer Brown was a vicious overlord.
So Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot
Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot
And they didn’t really do what the farmer thought.
Ralph and Earl, they got a chainsaw too.
And Ralph and Earl got high on airplane glue.
And Ralph and Earl they hacked him into bits,
Cause kids and puppies, just don’t give a shit.
Chorus
These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl
Their life spins round like some kind of magic tilt-o-whirl
Don’t need no guns to have their fun, they don’t allow no girls
These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl!
Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
Yeah, Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
They wanted to save the human race
So they went into outerspace
Ralph and Earl went into outerspace,
But there’s no oxygen in outerspace
How do you save the human race with no oxygen in outerspace?
So Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris
Yeah Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris
All of the experts seem to agree, they floated round as cosmic debris
(CHORUS]
Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof
Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof
Yeah, Ralph and Earl landed on the roof,
The celebration was 110 proof
Ralph and Earl they landed on the roof
Ralph and Earl, they went to fight Hitler off
Alongside their ally Admiral Kalashnikov
Yeah Ralph and Earl they went to Germany
To spread their special brand of harmony.
So Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face
Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face
Kids, that’s how you save the human race,
You punch Adolf Hitler in the face
Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face!
[CHORUS]
Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me,
Yeah, Ralph and Earl are the way folks ought to be
Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me
Because Ralph and Earl, they live their fantasy
Because when Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
There was no oxygen in outerspace
It was an extremely dreary place
Without any oxygen in outerspace
But now there’s oxygen in outerspace,
Yeah, now there’s oxygen in outerspace
Thanks to government subsidized fundin’ for NASA
America’s the greatest country in the world,
Goodnight, Oklahoma, Goodnight
Goodnight, Oklahoma…
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2. |
Freak
02:32
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I wake up in the morning and I take a good look at the world
And I open up my window and I swear at all the boys and girls
This is how it goes every day of the week
Gotta keep it up so they know I'm a Freak
And they say
F-R-E-A-K
Hey there Freak won't you go away?
F-R-E-A-K
We don't wanna hear what you got to say
Sometimes things get better and I go to town
Buy lots of Orange Fanta and pick fights with clowns
Hari Krishnas at the airport think it's kinda queer
That I'm holding up a sign that says, "The End Is Near"
And they say
F-R-E-A-K
We already warned you about this twice today
F-R-E-A-K
If you come back then we'll make you pay
(Bring it on...)
Well I would see my girl and walk up to her door
But the restraining order says I can't do that no more
I would go to parties, it should work out okay
But my best pickup line is, "Well... I might not be gay..."
And she says
K-R-A-F-E
That spells Krafe and it's not a word
K-R-A-F-E
I'm not really sure if she's dyslexic or German
Well someday I'll find somebody who understands
Some unstable chick in leather from an all-girl punk band
The kinda girl who digs when you dress up like a cat
Who thinks that sex is better at the laundromat
And she’ll say
F-R-E-A-K
You’re criminally insane but baby that’s okay
F-R-E-A-K
Forget about this normal shit and take me away
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3. |
You Don't Need To Think
04:13
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Think you’ve got no place to go?
Well, thinking’s so last week, bro,
In here we’re having fun,
All the songs are #1 so you don’t need to think
No you don’t need to think
Need some shelter from the storm?
Our body heat will keep you warm,
Get up here and dance with me,
Pop is my philosophy,
So you don’t need to think,
No you don’t need to think
Chaucer, Dante
Who needs that shit? This is LA,
In the past we had ambition,
Now we’re all on television,
Cuz we don’t need to think
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4. |
Hey Little Girl
04:36
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Wearing $5 shades to the dollar store,
Made her look a little like a $2 whore,
It ain’t your fault he drinks like a fish,
It ain’t your fault he breaks every dish,
Wears your mascara as his laurel wreath,
Though we can tell it’s black and blue underneath.
Hey little girl, you could be bigger.
Looks like a giant,
He’s a hundred feet tall,
But he’s only big ‘cause you chose to be small,
It ain’t your fault he spoils your fun,
It ain’t Flash Gordon with his laser gun,
When he looks with that whisky smile,
Why can’t he tell that it tastes like bile?
Ain’t no solution, I’m just a different man.
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5. |
It Girl
03:57
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Man seems tired, a little ill at ease,
He walked right past me didn’t notice these,
I don’t think the boy doesn’t like what he sees,
You just gotta remember they’re too easy to please.
You gotta ooze it out of every single pore,
To be a queen you’ve gotta be a whore,
Make them all cry out for more,
And the ones who cry loudest – they’re the ones to ignore.
You gotta be a locomotive on a one track mind,
Don’t let him sleep alone when you’re so inclined,
Teach him again when he’s forgot how to grind,
Walk out before the check comes wherever you dine.
(Chorus)
You’ve gotta get him till his eyes are nice and wide,
Close the door behind him then invite him inside,
Keep your position solidified,
It’ll turn him into jelly when the rules are applied.
(Chorus)
You’ve gotta be absolutely awash in sex,
A feral feminine Tyrannosaurus Rex,
You gotta be the chick your face reflects,
And you’re guaranteed to be the one he selects.
(Chorus)
Don’t while away your days when you’ve got feminine wiles,
Strut and shout commands like you’re the queen of the Nile,
There’s no rule that says you can’t be a slut in style,
And there’s nothing else so sacred as being defiled.
(Chorus)
You got to let him think you’ll let him win,
Look like a nun when it’s time to sin,
Wanna know where to begin?
Make him cry his eyes out before he earns his grin.
(Chorus)
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6. |
Learn to Walk
03:30
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Hey there mister thinks he Kerouac,
Dressed from head to toe in jet black,
Shout out to fight invisible enemies,
Social diseases that ain’t got no remedies,
Can’t you see what’s wrong with your reality?
Can’t you see that you gotta be free?
Nobody’s shocked, you gotta learn to walk.
Hey there mister drunk on enmity,
You got a problem, it’s that problem with me,
Think you gotta fight the folks on the streets at night,
Think it’s a sin to have colored skin,
Can’t you see that that ain’t racial purity?
Can’t you see it’s not “You or me”?
Won’t get stomped by your docs, you gotta learn to walk.
Angel of Judgment shining above me,
Can't understand me and won't learn to love me,
Think you got it down?
You don’t make a sound,
Look under your heel at all them ghosts I found.
Hey there mister Lou Reed wannabe,
Gotta guitar case full of everybody’s sympathy,
Fire and strife are how you make your life,
Pain and decay are all you got to say,
Can’t you see you ain’t got no integrity?
Can’t you see I won’t pay the fee?
You don’t know how to rock, you gotta learn to walk.
(Chorus)
Hey there mister corporate nobody,
Lookin at you I got nothing to see,
Selling people a truckload of apathy,
Shirt on your back says “As seen on tv,”
Can’t you see you ain’t who you wanna be?
You know full well you got nothing to sell,
Your souls outta stock, you gotta learn to walk.
Hey there mister shoutin the people down,
What you done for the folks comin round?
Give em money to stay at the Marriott?
Did you build the homes they ain’t got?
Can’t you see they don’t want no litany?
Can’t you see you’re not the one to be?
I should talk, I gotta learn to walk.
(Chorus)
(Artwork by Nick Gucker)
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7. |
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8. |
At Home In Graveyards
05:18
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saw Audrey Hepburn, well i can’t say
think it was her because she rotted away
dressed like a cat in stolen dime store chic
it really shouldn’t have looked that bleak
she was the goddess type, the regal kind
i want the smile back that struck me blind
at home in graveyards
no future there
no white muslin ladies take me unaware
five shooting stars, a whole new place
man in my stomach play Amazing Grace
sat like a gargoyle protecting the door
my head and heart engaged in civil war
she was the shaman type, the scary kind
she was the only thing she couldn’t find
at home in graveyards
nobody goes
everything’s in permanent repose
my poor Ophelia never learned to swim
it seemed that drowning was her only whim
garland of flowers drifting down the stream
guess she was heavier than she seemed
she was the virgin type, the withered kind
sat back and watched as she declined
at home in graveyards
lonely everywhere else
i need the stories that each spirit tells
kind and wholesome, painfully pure
a little untried and a lot unsure
sanctified like a cathedral made flesh
i felt refined but didn’t feel refreshed
she was the angel type, the marrying kind
prayed so much that her faith resigned
at home in graveyards
nothing there to break
don’t need to compromise for safety’s sake
women come, women leave
tin soldiers drum and lawyers deceive
poetic type, tragic kind
with all these sonnets my death warrant’s signed
at home in graveyards
but your garden’s nice
leave me some flowers as a sacrifice
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9. |
Asshole With A Guitar
03:01
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10. |
Moyra and the Dog
02:01
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11. |
Mack the Knife
03:58
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12. |
Beer
02:04
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Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues Boston, Massachusetts
The year was 1956. Mayonnaise Jenkins was topping the Blues charts and exciting the imagination of a young man in Minnesota
by the name of Bob Dylan. Howl was published. Godzilla reached America’s shores, both the film and the monster, and Reptoids granted David Bowie the power to travel through time.
2004, Wick Hill and Garrett Cook form Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues
... more
Contact Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues
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