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    Comes with a digital insert featuring art by Nick Gucker and Alan M. Clark!
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1.
Ralph and Earl were standing with a horse Life couldn’t get any worse Ralph and Earl were hungry, tired and bored Because Farmer Brown was a vicious overlord. So Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot And they didn’t really do what the farmer thought. Ralph and Earl, they got a chainsaw too. And Ralph and Earl got high on airplane glue. And Ralph and Earl they hacked him into bits, Cause kids and puppies, just don’t give a shit. Chorus These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl Their life spins round like some kind of magic tilt-o-whirl Don’t need no guns to have their fun, they don’t allow no girls These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl! Ralph and Earl went into outerspace Yeah, Ralph and Earl went into outerspace They wanted to save the human race So they went into outerspace Ralph and Earl went into outerspace, But there’s no oxygen in outerspace How do you save the human race with no oxygen in outerspace? So Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris Yeah Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris All of the experts seem to agree, they floated round as cosmic debris (CHORUS] Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof Yeah, Ralph and Earl landed on the roof, The celebration was 110 proof Ralph and Earl they landed on the roof Ralph and Earl, they went to fight Hitler off Alongside their ally Admiral Kalashnikov Yeah Ralph and Earl they went to Germany To spread their special brand of harmony. So Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face Kids, that’s how you save the human race, You punch Adolf Hitler in the face Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face! [CHORUS] Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me, Yeah, Ralph and Earl are the way folks ought to be Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me Because Ralph and Earl, they live their fantasy Because when Ralph and Earl went into outerspace There was no oxygen in outerspace It was an extremely dreary place Without any oxygen in outerspace But now there’s oxygen in outerspace, Yeah, now there’s oxygen in outerspace Thanks to government subsidized fundin’ for NASA America’s the greatest country in the world, Goodnight, Oklahoma, Goodnight Goodnight, Oklahoma…
2.
Freak 02:32
I wake up in the morning and I take a good look at the world And I open up my window and I swear at all the boys and girls This is how it goes every day of the week Gotta keep it up so they know I'm a Freak And they say F-R-E-A-K Hey there Freak won't you go away? F-R-E-A-K We don't wanna hear what you got to say Sometimes things get better and I go to town Buy lots of Orange Fanta and pick fights with clowns Hari Krishnas at the airport think it's kinda queer That I'm holding up a sign that says, "The End Is Near" And they say F-R-E-A-K We already warned you about this twice today F-R-E-A-K If you come back then we'll make you pay (Bring it on...) Well I would see my girl and walk up to her door But the restraining order says I can't do that no more I would go to parties, it should work out okay But my best pickup line is, "Well... I might not be gay..." And she says K-R-A-F-E That spells Krafe and it's not a word K-R-A-F-E I'm not really sure if she's dyslexic or German Well someday I'll find somebody who understands Some unstable chick in leather from an all-girl punk band The kinda girl who digs when you dress up like a cat Who thinks that sex is better at the laundromat And she’ll say F-R-E-A-K You’re criminally insane but baby that’s okay F-R-E-A-K Forget about this normal shit and take me away
3.
Think you’ve got no place to go? Well, thinking’s so last week, bro, In here we’re having fun, All the songs are #1 so you don’t need to think No you don’t need to think Need some shelter from the storm? Our body heat will keep you warm, Get up here and dance with me, Pop is my philosophy, So you don’t need to think, No you don’t need to think Chaucer, Dante Who needs that shit? This is LA, In the past we had ambition, Now we’re all on television, Cuz we don’t need to think
4.
Wearing $5 shades to the dollar store, Made her look a little like a $2 whore, It ain’t your fault he drinks like a fish, It ain’t your fault he breaks every dish, Wears your mascara as his laurel wreath, Though we can tell it’s black and blue underneath. Hey little girl, you could be bigger. Looks like a giant, He’s a hundred feet tall, But he’s only big ‘cause you chose to be small, It ain’t your fault he spoils your fun, It ain’t Flash Gordon with his laser gun, When he looks with that whisky smile, Why can’t he tell that it tastes like bile? Ain’t no solution, I’m just a different man.
5.
It Girl 03:57
Man seems tired, a little ill at ease, He walked right past me didn’t notice these, I don’t think the boy doesn’t like what he sees, You just gotta remember they’re too easy to please. You gotta ooze it out of every single pore, To be a queen you’ve gotta be a whore, Make them all cry out for more, And the ones who cry loudest – they’re the ones to ignore. You gotta be a locomotive on a one track mind, Don’t let him sleep alone when you’re so inclined, Teach him again when he’s forgot how to grind, Walk out before the check comes wherever you dine. (Chorus) You’ve gotta get him till his eyes are nice and wide, Close the door behind him then invite him inside, Keep your position solidified, It’ll turn him into jelly when the rules are applied. (Chorus) You’ve gotta be absolutely awash in sex, A feral feminine Tyrannosaurus Rex, You gotta be the chick your face reflects, And you’re guaranteed to be the one he selects. (Chorus) Don’t while away your days when you’ve got feminine wiles, Strut and shout commands like you’re the queen of the Nile, There’s no rule that says you can’t be a slut in style, And there’s nothing else so sacred as being defiled. (Chorus) You got to let him think you’ll let him win, Look like a nun when it’s time to sin, Wanna know where to begin? Make him cry his eyes out before he earns his grin. (Chorus)
6.
Hey there mister thinks he Kerouac, Dressed from head to toe in jet black, Shout out to fight invisible enemies, Social diseases that ain’t got no remedies, Can’t you see what’s wrong with your reality? Can’t you see that you gotta be free? Nobody’s shocked, you gotta learn to walk. Hey there mister drunk on enmity, You got a problem, it’s that problem with me, Think you gotta fight the folks on the streets at night, Think it’s a sin to have colored skin, Can’t you see that that ain’t racial purity? Can’t you see it’s not “You or me”? Won’t get stomped by your docs, you gotta learn to walk. Angel of Judgment shining above me, Can't understand me and won't learn to love me, Think you got it down?   You don’t make a sound, Look under your heel at all them ghosts I found. Hey there mister Lou Reed wannabe, Gotta guitar case full of everybody’s sympathy, Fire and strife are how you make your life, Pain and decay are all you got to say, Can’t you see you ain’t got no integrity? Can’t you see I won’t pay the fee? You don’t know how to rock, you gotta learn to walk. (Chorus) Hey there mister corporate nobody, Lookin at you I got nothing to see, Selling people a truckload of apathy, Shirt on your back says “As seen on tv,” Can’t you see you ain’t who you wanna be? You know full well you got nothing to sell, Your souls outta stock, you gotta learn to walk. Hey there mister shoutin the people down, What you done for the folks comin round? Give em money to stay at the Marriott? Did you build the homes they ain’t got? Can’t you see they don’t want no litany? Can’t you see you’re not the one to be? I should talk, I gotta learn to walk. (Chorus) (Artwork by Nick Gucker)
7.
8.
saw Audrey Hepburn, well i can’t say think it was her because she rotted away dressed like a cat in stolen dime store chic it really shouldn’t have looked that bleak she was the goddess type, the regal kind i want the smile back that struck me blind at home in graveyards no future there no white muslin ladies take me unaware five shooting stars, a whole new place man in my stomach play Amazing Grace sat like a gargoyle protecting the door my head and heart engaged in civil war she was the shaman type, the scary kind she was the only thing she couldn’t find at home in graveyards nobody goes everything’s in permanent repose my poor Ophelia never learned to swim it seemed that drowning was her only whim garland of flowers drifting down the stream guess she was heavier than she seemed she was the virgin type, the withered kind sat back and watched as she declined at home in graveyards lonely everywhere else i need the stories that each spirit tells kind and wholesome, painfully pure a little untried and a lot unsure sanctified like a cathedral made flesh i felt refined but didn’t feel refreshed she was the angel type, the marrying kind prayed so much that her faith resigned at home in graveyards nothing there to break don’t need to compromise for safety’s sake women come, women leave tin soldiers drum and lawyers deceive poetic type, tragic kind with all these sonnets my death warrant’s signed at home in graveyards but your garden’s nice leave me some flowers as a sacrifice
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Beer 02:04

credits

released September 25, 2012

Mayonnaise Jenkins are:

Garrett Cook
Morgana Allen
Wick Hill

Engineered by Wick Hill
Mixed by Matthew Beaudoin, Q Division Studios, Somerville, MA
Cover image by Nick Gucker

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Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues Boston, Massachusetts

The year was 1956. Mayonnaise Jenkins was topping the Blues charts and exciting the imagination of a young man in Minnesota by the name of Bob Dylan. Howl was published. Godzilla reached America’s shores, both the film and the monster, and Reptoids granted David Bowie the power to travel through time.

2004, Wick Hill and Garrett Cook form Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues
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