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02:32
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04:15
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credits

released September 25, 2012

Engineered by Wick Hill
Mixed by Matthew Beaudoin, Q Division Studios, Somerville, MA
(except tracks 8 and 10, recorded and mixed by Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues at the Port Authority)
Cover image by Nick Gucker

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Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues Boston, Massachusetts

The year was 1956. Mayonnaise Jenkins was topping the Blues charts and exciting the imagination of a young man in Minnesota by the name of Bob Dylan. Howl was published. Godzilla reached America’s shores, both the film and the monster, and Reptoids granted David Bowie the power to travel through time.

2004, Wick Hill and Garrett Cook form Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues
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Track Name: Ralph and Earl
Ralph and Earl were standing with a horse
Life couldn’t get any worse
Ralph and Earl were hungry, tired and bored
Because Farmer Brown was a vicious overlord.
So Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot
Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they got their puppy, Spot
And they didn’t really do what the farmer thought.
Ralph and Earl, they got a chainsaw too.
And Ralph and Earl got high on airplane glue.
And Ralph and Earl they hacked him into bits,
Cause kids and puppies, just don’t give a shit.

Chorus
These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl
Their life spins round like some kind of magic tilt-o-whirl
Don’t need no guns to have their fun, they don’t allow no girls
These are the fascinatin’ adventures of Ralph and Earl!

Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
Yeah, Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
They wanted to save the human race
So they went into outerspace
Ralph and Earl went into outerspace,
But there’s no oxygen in outerspace
How do you save the human race with no oxygen in outerspace?

So Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris
Yeah Ralph and Earl floated round as cosmic debris
All of the experts seem to agree, they floated round as cosmic debris

(CHORUS]

Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof
Yeah, Ralph and Earl, they landed on the roof
Yeah, Ralph and Earl landed on the roof,
The celebration was 110 proof
Ralph and Earl they landed on the roof
Ralph and Earl, they went to fight Hitler off
Alongside their ally Admiral Kalashnikov
Yeah Ralph and Earl they went to Germany
To spread their special brand of harmony.
So Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face
Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face
Kids, that’s how you save the human race,
You punch Adolf Hitler in the face
Yeah, Ralph and Earl punched Hitler in the face!

[CHORUS]

Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me,
Yeah, Ralph and Earl are the way folks ought to be
Ralph and Earl are a lot like you and me
Because Ralph and Earl, they live their fantasy
Because when Ralph and Earl went into outerspace
There was no oxygen in outerspace
It was an extremely dreary place
Without any oxygen in outerspace

But now there’s oxygen in outerspace,
Yeah, now there’s oxygen in outerspace
Thanks to government subsidized fundin’ for NASA
America’s the greatest country in the world,
Goodnight, Oklahoma, Goodnight
Goodnight, Oklahoma…
Track Name: Learn to Walk
Hey there mister thinks he Kerouac,
Dressed from head to toe in jet black,
Shout out to fight invisible enemies,
Social diseases that ain’t got no remedies,
Can’t you see what’s wrong with your reality?
Can’t you see that you gotta be free?
Nobody’s shocked, you gotta learn to walk.

Hey there mister drunk on enmity,
You got a problem, it’s that problem with me,
Think you gotta fight the folks on the streets at night,
Think it’s a sin to have colored skin,
Can’t you see that that ain’t racial purity?
Can’t you see it’s not “You or me”?
Won’t get stomped by your docs, you gotta learn to walk.

Angel of Judgment shining above me,
Can't understand me and won't learn to love me,
Think you got it down?  
You don’t make a sound,
Look under your heel at all them ghosts I found.

Hey there mister Lou Reed wannabe,
Gotta guitar case full of everybody’s sympathy,
Fire and strife are how you make your life,
Pain and decay are all you got to say,
Can’t you see you ain’t got no integrity?
Can’t you see I won’t pay the fee?
You don’t know how to rock, you gotta learn to walk.

(Chorus)

Hey there mister corporate nobody,
Lookin at you I got nothing to see,
Selling people a truckload of apathy,
Shirt on your back says “As seen on tv,”
Can’t you see you ain’t who you wanna be?
You know full well you got nothing to sell,
Your souls outta stock, you gotta learn to walk.

Hey there mister shoutin the people down,
What you done for the folks comin round?
Give em money to stay at the Marriott?
Did you build the homes they ain’t got?
Can’t you see they don’t want no litany?
Can’t you see you’re not the one to be?
I should talk, I gotta learn to walk.

(Chorus)


(Artwork by Nick Gucker)
Track Name: It Girl
Your man seems tired, little ill at ease
Walked right past me didn’t notice these
I don’t think the boy doesn’t like what he sees
You just gotta remember they’re too easy to please

You gotta ooze it out of every single pore
To be a queen you gotta be a whore
Make them all cry out for more
And the ones who cry loudest
They’re the ones to ignore

You gotta be a locomotive on a one track mind
Don’t let him sleep alone when you’re so inclined
Teach him again if he’s forgot to grind
And walk out before the check comes wherever you dine

You’ve gotta get him till his eyes are nice and wide
Close the door behind you then invite him inside
Keep your position solidified
It’ll turn him into jelly when the rules are applied

You gotta be absolutely awash in sex
A feral feminine tyrannosaurus rex
You gotta be the chick your face reflects
And you’re guaranteed to be the one he selects

Don’t while away your days when you’ve got feminine wiles
Strut and shout commands like you’re the queen of the Nile
There’s no rule that says you can’t be a slut in style
And there’s nothing else so sacred as being defiled

You’ve gotta let him think that you’ve let him win
Look like a nun when it’s time to sin
Wanna know where to begin?
You gotta make him cry his eyes out before he earns his grin